Solitude

Tonight, I miss him. I can’t forget the moments we had, nor do I want to. Not yet. I wish everything was different. I wish he chose me over the situation. Why does it hurt so much? When will the pain stop? I just want to go away. Leave this place, start over. New memories. Forget the old ones. He broke me. What was done can’t be undone. He took a part of me with him. Will I ever get a second chance? A chance to work it out, forget the past and move forward with each other. I deserve that much don’t I? Everything just sucks. Why him? Why couldn’t I fall for someone who wasn’t in his situation? I knew it would never work out, but yet I wanted it to so badly. I wanted him to always be there. He promised he would. He promised a lot of things. That he would be my friend through what ever happened. Things change I guess. Promises are meant to be broken. Feelings are meant to change. People get over people. Why can’t I? How long will I be hung up on this kid? I know he doesn’t feel the same way about me. Probably never thinks of me anymore, but why must I hope for so much.
Why do I think of him every night before I sleep?
Why do I dream of the fairytale ending?

Him waiting outside of my house, back up against his camero. Just standing there, waiting. Wanting me and no one else. Saying he never forgot about me. That he wanted me every time I thought of him. That he just needed her to get out of the picture long enough for us to have a complete chance.
Why won’t he have me back?
This pain I feel I can no longer endure. It hurts too much. Flashbacks and empty promises.

The day at the park, long walks, muddy grass. I wanted that night to last a lifetime. It ended too soon, too fast. I want it back. I want him to hold me like he did that night. Just hold me. No impurities. Just two people in a park, watching the cars pass by and deciphering stars and satellites. My head on your shoulder, your hand in mine. I miss you.


Words that are too familiar to me.
They seem meaningless now that you ignore them.
I want them to mean something.
To make your feelings change.
To make you come back to me.
To make you hold me in your arms again.
Warmth, safety, desire.