There's always a way...

So, my friend sent me this poem one day, sense it meant something to her. I come back and read it every so often, just to remind myself.

There's always a way, but we have to try, though life is a gift to you and I. We can't expect to merely sit, with never an effort to merit it.


There's always a way, though the going's rough and only our best is good enough, we haven't the time to count each loss, if the bridge is out, we swim across.


There's always a way, life's not in vain, though joy may be the twin of pain, whichever way we chance to go, the Master walked it first, you know.


He simply wouldn't put us here and then withdraw His tender care, whatever His dear Love may ask, He makes us equal to the task.


For it is true, He walks beside us through each dawn and eventide, though bones may bend and sight grow dim, no thing's impossible for Him.


And so, whenever walls may rise to block the sunlight from our eyes, that is the time for us to say: "Dear Lord, please help me find the way."
- Grace E. Easley

Word of the month: Crap.

I’d use another word, but it seems so inappropriate. My thoughts these days are confusing and ever present. I can’t get rid of the emotions and feelings that I don’t want to deal with. I have so much stuff going on right now, whether it’s school, work, family, my car breaking down, random events, or just me being in a bad mood. Among all of that, I just want to shout at the top my lungs standing on a bridge and have everything just pour out of me. 


I’m a conflicted being. At times it feels like I can feel everything, too much. I feel overwhelmed and unstable, but yet, at other times, I’m so numb to the world around me that I just don’t care about what happens or where I’m at. I want so badly, to be content. I want to free, and unchained. No responsibilities, no worries. The existence of money, having a working vehicle, wanting friends that care, and a family that makes you matter, to all just disappear. 


My spiritual life is none existent right now. I know it’s my fault, and I know that I could fix it if I wanted to. I know it’s up to me, but in this moment, I just don’t care. I’m allowing myself to fall away, and drift off from the person I want to be and who I should be. I know what’s expected of me, and that I need to learn to control my thoughts, but at the same time, I want to be accepted as I am. My prayer life is sporadic. It needs to be enhanced. I find myself disbelieving things that are said when I’m at church or college group. I know in my heart it’s true, but I’m becoming so harsh to everything. 


I’ve become overly critical with people and myself. I’m rude when I shouldn’t be, disgruntled when I really don’t care about what’s going on, and just in a bad mood. 


In conclusion, I’m tired of where I’m headed. I need to change my mindset and what I’ve been thinking about lately. I’m being thrown some crazy life tests over here, and so far I’m failing at them. Time to get back into what matters.