Singularity

Being single, simply, just sucks.

You get used to a certain way, a certain method, routine, lifestyle. You get used to the companionship, the dependability, the comfort of not being alone.

I don't understand myself most of the time. I want something. I think I know what it is. I get it, and all to find out that again, I'm not sure if it's what I wanted.

I got into a relationship with someone I thought was the perfect match for me. I got into a relationship with my best guy friend at the time. Sounded like a Taylor Swift song. Too good to be true. Was so certain, so dead set that it would work out.

When things felt off, I tried ignoring it, tried telling myself it was just a phase of my emotions. Tried convincing myself I was going to marry him. That I wanted my life to be with him.

He's a great guy, and I know he'll be perfect for someone. I'm almost sure that someone is no longer me.

It kills me to think about how my life could have been. Where my life would have ended up.

It kills me to realize that I'm 20 years old, and I have ABSOLUTELY no clue what I'm doing. I haven't the slightest idea what's on the road ahead of me.

I feel so lost, and alone, living life as a single again.