"I could stand here for hours just to ask God the question, 'is everyone here make believe'"

              Sometimes I question life, and why things are the way they are. Why am I me, and you, you? What makes us so different, but yet so similar? But yet the unexplainable carries an explanation. Sometimes the explanation is found to be irrelevant or illogical but yet there is still an explanation, whether it is humanly possible or not. Then wouldn’t that be where God should come in? Hypothetically speaking (maybe) saying that God absolutely exists would mean that an explainable explanation is needless and that things exist solely based on the relevance that God sees in such a thing. Therefore our human minds cannot fathom God’s knowledge and why He does the things He does. So then why must we, as human beings, try to decipher everything and make it logically acceptable? If we, as a group, declare that there is a God, and are stronghold to that information, then why must we still question Him and His works? Furthermore, why must I question His works? I ask myself the questions, “Do you believe in a God?”, “Do you believe Jesus Christ died for your sins”, “Do you believe Christ was resurrected”, and “Do you believe that God created you in your inmost being?” and the answers I receive are yes all the way through, but yet, I still have difficulty believing that God created me and He created me with a purpose. So if I admit that God does have a purpose for me, then am I also admitting that I am worth something more than the nothing that I hold myself accountable for?

Stars and Satellites

Stars and satellites,

Long conversations, 

Debating irrelevance. 

Silence. 

Skin. 

Clasped hands, 

Warm embrace. 

Blonde hair, 

Scruffy beard, 

Your scent. 

Mixed emotions, 

Selfish tendencies, 

Illogical thinking. 

Wanting you, 

Feeling you, 

Knowing it’s mutual. 

Lost promises and false dreams. 

Will it fade? Doubt it. 

Solitude

Tonight, I miss him. I can’t forget the moments we had, nor do I want to. Not yet. I wish everything was different. I wish he chose me over the situation. Why does it hurt so much? When will the pain stop? I just want to go away. Leave this place, start over. New memories. Forget the old ones. He broke me. What was done can’t be undone. He took a part of me with him. Will I ever get a second chance? A chance to work it out, forget the past and move forward with each other. I deserve that much don’t I? Everything just sucks. Why him? Why couldn’t I fall for someone who wasn’t in his situation? I knew it would never work out, but yet I wanted it to so badly. I wanted him to always be there. He promised he would. He promised a lot of things. That he would be my friend through what ever happened. Things change I guess. Promises are meant to be broken. Feelings are meant to change. People get over people. Why can’t I? How long will I be hung up on this kid? I know he doesn’t feel the same way about me. Probably never thinks of me anymore, but why must I hope for so much.
Why do I think of him every night before I sleep?
Why do I dream of the fairytale ending?

Him waiting outside of my house, back up against his camero. Just standing there, waiting. Wanting me and no one else. Saying he never forgot about me. That he wanted me every time I thought of him. That he just needed her to get out of the picture long enough for us to have a complete chance.
Why won’t he have me back?
This pain I feel I can no longer endure. It hurts too much. Flashbacks and empty promises.

The day at the park, long walks, muddy grass. I wanted that night to last a lifetime. It ended too soon, too fast. I want it back. I want him to hold me like he did that night. Just hold me. No impurities. Just two people in a park, watching the cars pass by and deciphering stars and satellites. My head on your shoulder, your hand in mine. I miss you.


Words that are too familiar to me.
They seem meaningless now that you ignore them.
I want them to mean something.
To make your feelings change.
To make you come back to me.
To make you hold me in your arms again.
Warmth, safety, desire.