I'm excited to buy one of these :)
http://www.oneworldfutbol.com/shop/
Distance
Thursday, December 8, 2011
... Distance.
Continual,
Perpetual.
Seasons. I don't care much for seasons. The way the change too often and bring about different weather, right when I've just gotten used to the previous one. They bring in different air, and different feelings.
"Seasonal affective disorder (SAD), a form of depression that tends to occur as the days grow shorter in the fall and winter. It is believed that affected persons react adversely to the decreasing amount of light and the colder temperature as autumn and winter progress." - MedicineNet.com
If you're reading this, I hope it explains my moods in winter....
Continual,
Perpetual.
Seasons. I don't care much for seasons. The way the change too often and bring about different weather, right when I've just gotten used to the previous one. They bring in different air, and different feelings.
"Seasonal affective disorder (SAD), a form of depression that tends to occur as the days grow shorter in the fall and winter. It is believed that affected persons react adversely to the decreasing amount of light and the colder temperature as autumn and winter progress." - MedicineNet.com
If you're reading this, I hope it explains my moods in winter....
Momma knows...
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Uh, I absolutely hate being sick. I feel useless, just laying in bed, sleeping most of the day away. I have so much that needs to be done and so much that I should be doing, instead of lounging in my bed trying to down as much warm tea I possibly can, in order to get my voice back.
I've had a lot of time to think though. A lot of time to think about my life and what I'm doing with it. Is my life being led by selfishness or am I living my life for God. It's times like these when I can turn back and analyze all the things I've done or said or thought. My long term life goals are still the same. I still plan on getting my EMT basic, finding a job, and eventually using it for His work. However, if I'm suppose to be doing it ultimately for Him, then why is it so easy to slack off in that class when I know I should be putting every effort of my being into it? I have so much work that I need to do for that class, so much to catch up on. I haven't put in the real effort into that class that it deserves but yet I tried so hard, and so long to get into the program. Why is it, that I've taken yet another opportunity for granted?
I've been asking myself those questions since the first week of class, when I noticed that my attention in that class drifted. I had nothing distracting me from that one goal. I knew what I wanted and I knew how to get it. Why then is it hard for me to concentrate on a subject that I'm usually pulled into concentrating on.
Here comes the end to all of it. Today I will catch up in this class.
I've had a lot of time to think though. A lot of time to think about my life and what I'm doing with it. Is my life being led by selfishness or am I living my life for God. It's times like these when I can turn back and analyze all the things I've done or said or thought. My long term life goals are still the same. I still plan on getting my EMT basic, finding a job, and eventually using it for His work. However, if I'm suppose to be doing it ultimately for Him, then why is it so easy to slack off in that class when I know I should be putting every effort of my being into it? I have so much work that I need to do for that class, so much to catch up on. I haven't put in the real effort into that class that it deserves but yet I tried so hard, and so long to get into the program. Why is it, that I've taken yet another opportunity for granted?
I've been asking myself those questions since the first week of class, when I noticed that my attention in that class drifted. I had nothing distracting me from that one goal. I knew what I wanted and I knew how to get it. Why then is it hard for me to concentrate on a subject that I'm usually pulled into concentrating on.
Here comes the end to all of it. Today I will catch up in this class.
- I will not fall into procrastination.
- I will not put socialization in front of my goal.
- I will not slack off.
If this is truly the path that God has chosen for me, I will work towards it eagerly and with wholeheartedness.
Father, I pray that you give me the ability to not lose focus. I pray that You inspire me to continue on with the class and give it all I can till it's over (one month). I pray that You use me for Your will. Keep my eyes on You Father. - Amen.
:) I hope I live my life like this.
Under an old brass paperweight is my list of things to do today
Go to the bank and the hardware store, put a new lock on the cellar door
I cross 'em off as I get 'em done but when the sun is set
There's still more than a few things left I haven't got to yet
Go for a walk, say a little prayer
Take a deep breath of mountain air
Put on my glove and play some catch
It's time that I make time for that
Wade the shore and cast a line
Look up a long lost friend of mine
Sit on the porch and give my girl a kiss
Start livin', that's the next thing on my list
Wouldn't change the course of fate but cuttin' the grass just had to wait
'Cause I've got more important things like pushin' my kid on the backyard swing
I won't break my back for a million bucks I can't take to my grave
So why put off for tomorrow what I could get done today
Like go for a walk, say a little prayer
Take a deep breath of mountain air
Put on my glove and play some catch
It's time that I make time for that
Wade the shore and cast a line
Look up a long lost friend of mine
Sit on the porch and give my girl a kiss
Start livin', that's the next thing on my list
Raise a little hell, laugh 'til it hurts
Put an extra five in the plate at church
Call up my folks just to chat
It's time that I make time for that
Stay up late, then oversleep
Show her what she means to me
Catch up on all the things I've always missed
Just start livin', that's the next thing on my list
Under an old brass paperweight
Is my list of things to do today
In the spirit of Thanksgiving...
Thursday, November 24, 2011
I'd like to think back on all the things that I'm thankful to God for each day. Father, thank you for the life I have, the family I have (as dysfunctional as it may be :P ) and for the all the friends I've been blessed with.
Thank you Father, for taking me down the path of life I've chosen and showing me new things each day. Thank you for teaching me the lessons I've learned and allowing me to experiences every moment of it.
Thank you Father for the lessons to come and the experience that await me.
:)
Thank you Father, for taking me down the path of life I've chosen and showing me new things each day. Thank you for teaching me the lessons I've learned and allowing me to experiences every moment of it.
Thank you Father for the lessons to come and the experience that await me.
:)
Missions
Monday, November 21, 2011
“Missions is not the ultimate goal of the church. Worship is. Missions exists because worship doesn't.” - John Piper
Change
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Change. We don't like it. We fear it, but we can't stop it from coming. We either adapt to change or we get left behind. It hurts to grow, anybody who tells you it doesn't is lying, but here's the truth sometimes the more things change the more they stay the same. And sometimes, oh, sometimes change is good. Sometimes change is everything. - Grey's Anatomy
Needhim.org
So I ran across this website that seems pretty interesting. I haven't gone through all of it yet but it seems extremely useful.
http://www.needhim.org/
http://www.needhim.org/
Psalm 90:12
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
When does life stop from being a day to day routine of going through the motions, and become real again? I'm tired of going to things and doing things just because the day calls for it. I'm tired of waking up to do things I'm not passionate about. I'm tired of where my life is heading.
I wanna wake up one morning, drive down the loop and drive right past tstc, and just keep going, just keep driving until I run out of gas in my car, and money in my account. I wanna just end up somewhere new and start over.
I daydream often while driving to work of missing my exit to the mall and taking the express way to McAllen, and then from there to just keep going.
"Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom" Psalm 90:12
If we aren't living a life of passion,
If we aren't living a life of meaning,
If we're just coasting through this life,
Wishing tomorrow would come before
This day is over,
How is that living?
If we're suppose to number our days aright, how does endless college, meaningless jobs, useless drama, and random happenings, have to do with life and living?
Father, teach me to number my days aright.
Teach me to do the things you want me to do, teach me to live a life with a purpose, teach me to live for You and Your will. Teach me to live a life with passion.
I wanna wake up one morning, drive down the loop and drive right past tstc, and just keep going, just keep driving until I run out of gas in my car, and money in my account. I wanna just end up somewhere new and start over.
I daydream often while driving to work of missing my exit to the mall and taking the express way to McAllen, and then from there to just keep going.
"Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom" Psalm 90:12
If we aren't living a life of passion,
If we aren't living a life of meaning,
If we're just coasting through this life,
Wishing tomorrow would come before
This day is over,
How is that living?
If we're suppose to number our days aright, how does endless college, meaningless jobs, useless drama, and random happenings, have to do with life and living?
Father, teach me to number my days aright.
Teach me to do the things you want me to do, teach me to live a life with a purpose, teach me to live for You and Your will. Teach me to live a life with passion.
Laura Jansen (Use Somebody)
Thursday, October 20, 2011
I love this cover of Use Somebody. =)
Beautiful.
Time
"Time waits for no man. Time heals all wounds. All any of us wants, is more time. Time to stand up. Time to grow up. Time to let go. Time." - Grey's Anatomy
Matthew 8:18-22
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Matthew 8:18-22
New International Version (NIV)
The Cost of Following Jesus
18 When Jesus saw the crowd around him, he gave orders to cross to the other side of the lake. 19Then a teacher of the law came to him and said, “Teacher, I will follow you wherever you go.” 20 Jesus replied, “Foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.”21 Another disciple said to him, “Lord, first let me go and bury my father.”
22 But Jesus told him, “Follow me, and let the dead bury their own dead.”
Would you give up your life to follow Jesus?
Job?
Career?
School?
Family?
Friends?
Life?
2 Timothy 1:7
Monday, October 10, 2011
For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.
Personality Enlightenment
Friday, October 7, 2011
So, after taking this personality test: http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp
I got the personality of INTJ :http://www.personalitypage.com/html/INTJ.html.
The things that stood out to me, were:
"INTJs live in the world of ideas and strategic planning. They value intelligence, knowledge, and competence, and typically have high standards in these regards, which they continuously strive to fulfill. To a somewhat lesser extent, they have similar expectations of others."
"It is not easy for the INTJ to express their internal images, insights, and abstractions. The internal form of the INTJ's thoughts and concepts is highly individualized, and is not readily translatable into a form that others will understand. However, the INTJ is driven to translate their ideas into a plan or system that is usually readily explainable, rather than to do a direct translation of their thoughts. They usually don't see the value of a direct transaction, and will also have difficulty expressing their ideas, which are non-linear. However, their extreme respect of knowledge and intelligence will motivate them to explain themselves to another person who they feel is deserving of the effort."
"INTJs are natural leaders, although they usually choose to remain in the background until they see a real need to take over the lead. When they are in leadership roles, they are quite effective, because they are able to objectively see the reality of a situation, and are adaptable enough to change things which aren't working well.
INTJs spend a lot of time inside their own minds, and may have little interest in the other people's thoughts or feelings.
The INTJ's interest in dealing with the world is to make decisions, express judgments, and put everything that they encounter into an understandable and rational system. Consequently, they are quick to express judgments. Often they have very evolved intuitions, and are convinced that they are right about things. Unless they complement their intuitive understanding with a well-developed ability to express their insights, they may find themselves frequently misunderstood. In these cases, INTJs tend to blame misunderstandings on the limitations of the other party, rather than on their own difficulty in expressing themselves. This tendency may cause the INTJ to dismiss others input too quickly, and to become generally arrogant and elitist.
Other people may have a difficult time understanding an INTJ. They may see them as aloof and reserved. Indeed, the INTJ is not overly demonstrative of their affections, and is likely to not give as much praise or positive support as others may need or desire. That doesn't mean that he or she doesn't truly have affection or regard for others, they simply do not typically feel the need to express it. Others may falsely perceive the INTJ as being rigid and set in their ways. Nothing could be further from the truth, because the INTJ is committed to always finding the objective best strategy to implement their ideas. The INTJ is usually quite open to hearing an alternative way of doing something.
When under a great deal of stress, the INTJ may become obsessed with mindless repetitive, Sensate activities, such as over-drinking. They may also tend to become absorbed with minutia and details that they would not normally consider important to their overall goal.
INTJs need to remember to express themselves sufficiently, so as to avoid difficulties with people misunderstandings. In the absence of properly developing their communication abilities, they may become abrupt and short with people, and isolationists."
Jungian functional preference ordering:
Dominant: Introverted Intuition
Auxilliary: Extraverted Thinking
Tertiary: Introverted Feeling
Inferior: Extraverted Sensing
I got the personality of INTJ :http://www.personalitypage.com/html/INTJ.html.
The things that stood out to me, were:
"INTJs live in the world of ideas and strategic planning. They value intelligence, knowledge, and competence, and typically have high standards in these regards, which they continuously strive to fulfill. To a somewhat lesser extent, they have similar expectations of others."
"It is not easy for the INTJ to express their internal images, insights, and abstractions. The internal form of the INTJ's thoughts and concepts is highly individualized, and is not readily translatable into a form that others will understand. However, the INTJ is driven to translate their ideas into a plan or system that is usually readily explainable, rather than to do a direct translation of their thoughts. They usually don't see the value of a direct transaction, and will also have difficulty expressing their ideas, which are non-linear. However, their extreme respect of knowledge and intelligence will motivate them to explain themselves to another person who they feel is deserving of the effort."
"INTJs are natural leaders, although they usually choose to remain in the background until they see a real need to take over the lead. When they are in leadership roles, they are quite effective, because they are able to objectively see the reality of a situation, and are adaptable enough to change things which aren't working well.
INTJs spend a lot of time inside their own minds, and may have little interest in the other people's thoughts or feelings.
The INTJ's interest in dealing with the world is to make decisions, express judgments, and put everything that they encounter into an understandable and rational system. Consequently, they are quick to express judgments. Often they have very evolved intuitions, and are convinced that they are right about things. Unless they complement their intuitive understanding with a well-developed ability to express their insights, they may find themselves frequently misunderstood. In these cases, INTJs tend to blame misunderstandings on the limitations of the other party, rather than on their own difficulty in expressing themselves. This tendency may cause the INTJ to dismiss others input too quickly, and to become generally arrogant and elitist.
Other people may have a difficult time understanding an INTJ. They may see them as aloof and reserved. Indeed, the INTJ is not overly demonstrative of their affections, and is likely to not give as much praise or positive support as others may need or desire. That doesn't mean that he or she doesn't truly have affection or regard for others, they simply do not typically feel the need to express it. Others may falsely perceive the INTJ as being rigid and set in their ways. Nothing could be further from the truth, because the INTJ is committed to always finding the objective best strategy to implement their ideas. The INTJ is usually quite open to hearing an alternative way of doing something.
When under a great deal of stress, the INTJ may become obsessed with mindless repetitive, Sensate activities, such as over-drinking. They may also tend to become absorbed with minutia and details that they would not normally consider important to their overall goal.
INTJs need to remember to express themselves sufficiently, so as to avoid difficulties with people misunderstandings. In the absence of properly developing their communication abilities, they may become abrupt and short with people, and isolationists."
Jungian functional preference ordering:
Dominant: Introverted Intuition
Auxilliary: Extraverted Thinking
Tertiary: Introverted Feeling
Inferior: Extraverted Sensing
In the absence of hope
Thursday, October 6, 2011
"Because you never think the last time is the last time. You think you have forever, but you don't. Plus my conditioner decided to stop working and I think I have brittle bones. I need something to happen. I just need a sign. I need a reason to go on. I need some hope, and in the absence of hope, I need to stay in bed and feel like I might die today."
-- In the absence of hope, is death.
-Grey's Anatomy
-- In the absence of hope, is death.
Hurts, Habits, and Hang ups
Monday, September 26, 2011
So, I started this eight week Bible study on:
LIFE HAPPENS. Happiness and healing are yours for the choosing. We've all been hurt by other people, we've hurt ourselves, and we've hurt others. And as a result, every single one of us ends up with some sort of hurt, hang-up, or habit. But the question we all face is, Where do we go from here? Life's Healing Choices offers freedom from our hurts, hang-ups, and habits through eight healing choices that promise true happiness and life transformation. Using the Beatitudes of Jesus as a foundation, Rick Warren and John Baker, developed the eight choices shared in this book.
In addition to practical, encouraging biblical teaching, each chapter includes two real-life stories of men and women whose lives have been transformed by living out the eight choices in this book. Through making each of these choices, you too will find God's pathway to wholeness, growth, spiritual maturity, happiness, and healing. You'll find real answers, real hope, and a real future—one healing choice at a time.
http://www.saddlebackfamily.com/maturity/spiritualgrowthcenter/topics/hurtshabitsandhangups.html
I started reading the book a few days ago. Seems like it's going to be an interesting realizational book.
Perpetual College Life
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Every time I bring up how much I want to speed past all these college years, someone always has to butt in to say, "but it's all gonna be worth it in the end". Well no joke.
Obviously, college pays off in the end. Obviously, that's the reason why I'm putting myself through so much stress. I know the classes I'm taking are eventually going to work toward my future, and any future involving my want to be a missionary. However!, I really just want this year/ this semester, to just be done with already.
I've been making my school schedule to the maximum possible amount, and I can feel the years being drained from me. Lord, let me get through this semester alive, and after that, You can do as You will.
Beautiful Slave
Monday, September 12, 2011
By Take No Glory : a band of Musicianaries.
27 MILLION PEOPLE ARE ENSLAVED TODAY
80% ARE WOMEN 50% ARE CHILDREN
EVERY MINUTE TWO CHILDREN ARE TRAFFICKED
FOR SEXUAL EXPLOITATION
TOGETHER WE CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE
The Oppressed Will Be Set Free. Jesus Christ
Beautiful Slave Lyrics
i dont know where i am
theyve taken all that i had
smuggled in for a lucrative trade
beaten, bartered
broken in, until i obey
i used to be childlike
innocent and safe
now im someone else's treasure
a strangers pleasure
smothered in shame
succumbed with drugs
but Im not numb
all I feel is pain
is this all a dream
will i ever be the same?
can anyone hear me?
will anyone break these chains?
who will free me?
from this dark place?
does God see me?
what is His name?
will He help me?
im just a beautiful slave
my worst fear is my fate
im getting older each day
every girl too old in years
mysteriously just disappears
they never mention her name
they take away piece by piece
i dont think i have any left
ive slowly given up all hope
given in to this sleepless bed
inside these bars
i feel so seared
by each new face
how could this ever be
every memory be erased?
He can hear you
Hes seeking you,
He wants to heal you
Jesus knows the real you
Jesus Loves The Little Children
All The Children Of World
Red & Yellow, Black & White
Theyre Precious In His Sight
Jesus Loves The Little Children Of The World
Hes Got The Whole World In His Hands
Sept 10th
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Since it's been a few months of being on here, and the fact that I actually have time to be on here, I guess I can write about what I've been up to.
1.) Still working the same job.
2.) Taking an Emt Program as well as a few basics to finish up.
3.) Still teaching D Groups at church.
4.) Got back from China a few months ago.
The details of that? Well, since getting back from China, I've realized several things in my life need to change. I need to stop revolving my life around what I want, money, and living my life on a ridiculous time span that's unattainable. Life's gotta be based on faith and knowing God's gonna place you where you need to be.
It's still hard for me at times to believe that, but at the end of the day, with a calm heart, I know it to be true.
The Emt Program seems random to some, since I don't plan on working in the Emt field forever/ never really thought of it as a career move. I guess I never took a second thought to my wanting of an Emt, and always knew it's what I'm "suppose to do". Recently I spoke at my church about China, and the guy that followed me was a missionary talking about Haiti. It really clicked that I'm suppose to work in a clinic in Haiti, and it seems like it would work out, being that I'll have my Emt way before that in January.
I'm still highly considering moving to China to teach English at a university over their, and am still working on my bachelors in order to get over there with the program I'm wanting to be apart of.
In all of this, I still know, at the end of it all, I'm called to work with sex trafficking. I know all this other stuff in Haiti and China is suppose to prepare me for that. I know I'm not ready to be working within all of that and I understand. My heart still says it's the purpose to what I'm working for and I look forward to the day that I actually am.
Besides all of that, there's not a whole lot going on in my life. I'm occupied with school everyday of the week and work most days as well. I'm at the church on Wednesdays, and am doing homework most of my down time. Overbook myself this semester? You know it. Social life this semester? Not.At.All. Regrets? I hope not in the end.
1.) Still working the same job.
2.) Taking an Emt Program as well as a few basics to finish up.
3.) Still teaching D Groups at church.
4.) Got back from China a few months ago.
The details of that? Well, since getting back from China, I've realized several things in my life need to change. I need to stop revolving my life around what I want, money, and living my life on a ridiculous time span that's unattainable. Life's gotta be based on faith and knowing God's gonna place you where you need to be.
It's still hard for me at times to believe that, but at the end of the day, with a calm heart, I know it to be true.
The Emt Program seems random to some, since I don't plan on working in the Emt field forever/ never really thought of it as a career move. I guess I never took a second thought to my wanting of an Emt, and always knew it's what I'm "suppose to do". Recently I spoke at my church about China, and the guy that followed me was a missionary talking about Haiti. It really clicked that I'm suppose to work in a clinic in Haiti, and it seems like it would work out, being that I'll have my Emt way before that in January.
I'm still highly considering moving to China to teach English at a university over their, and am still working on my bachelors in order to get over there with the program I'm wanting to be apart of.
In all of this, I still know, at the end of it all, I'm called to work with sex trafficking. I know all this other stuff in Haiti and China is suppose to prepare me for that. I know I'm not ready to be working within all of that and I understand. My heart still says it's the purpose to what I'm working for and I look forward to the day that I actually am.
Besides all of that, there's not a whole lot going on in my life. I'm occupied with school everyday of the week and work most days as well. I'm at the church on Wednesdays, and am doing homework most of my down time. Overbook myself this semester? You know it. Social life this semester? Not.At.All. Regrets? I hope not in the end.
All I am is Yours
So I'll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One who gave it all
So I'll stand
My soul Lord to You surrendered
All I am is Yours
There's always a way...
Friday, June 17, 2011
So, my friend sent me this poem one day, sense it meant something to her. I come back and read it every so often, just to remind myself.
There's always a way, but we have to try, though life is a gift to you and I. We can't expect to merely sit, with never an effort to merit it.
There's always a way, though the going's rough and only our best is good enough, we haven't the time to count each loss, if the bridge is out, we swim across.
There's always a way, life's not in vain, though joy may be the twin of pain, whichever way we chance to go, the Master walked it first, you know.
He simply wouldn't put us here and then withdraw His tender care, whatever His dear Love may ask, He makes us equal to the task.
For it is true, He walks beside us through each dawn and eventide, though bones may bend and sight grow dim, no thing's impossible for Him.
And so, whenever walls may rise to block the sunlight from our eyes, that is the time for us to say: "Dear Lord, please help me find the way."
- Grace E. Easley
There's always a way, but we have to try, though life is a gift to you and I. We can't expect to merely sit, with never an effort to merit it.
There's always a way, though the going's rough and only our best is good enough, we haven't the time to count each loss, if the bridge is out, we swim across.
There's always a way, life's not in vain, though joy may be the twin of pain, whichever way we chance to go, the Master walked it first, you know.
He simply wouldn't put us here and then withdraw His tender care, whatever His dear Love may ask, He makes us equal to the task.
For it is true, He walks beside us through each dawn and eventide, though bones may bend and sight grow dim, no thing's impossible for Him.
And so, whenever walls may rise to block the sunlight from our eyes, that is the time for us to say: "Dear Lord, please help me find the way."
- Grace E. Easley
Word of the month: Crap.
I’d use another word, but it seems so inappropriate. My thoughts these days are confusing and ever present. I can’t get rid of the emotions and feelings that I don’t want to deal with. I have so much stuff going on right now, whether it’s school, work, family, my car breaking down, random events, or just me being in a bad mood. Among all of that, I just want to shout at the top my lungs standing on a bridge and have everything just pour out of me.
I’m a conflicted being. At times it feels like I can feel everything, too much. I feel overwhelmed and unstable, but yet, at other times, I’m so numb to the world around me that I just don’t care about what happens or where I’m at. I want so badly, to be content. I want to free, and unchained. No responsibilities, no worries. The existence of money, having a working vehicle, wanting friends that care, and a family that makes you matter, to all just disappear.
My spiritual life is none existent right now. I know it’s my fault, and I know that I could fix it if I wanted to. I know it’s up to me, but in this moment, I just don’t care. I’m allowing myself to fall away, and drift off from the person I want to be and who I should be. I know what’s expected of me, and that I need to learn to control my thoughts, but at the same time, I want to be accepted as I am. My prayer life is sporadic. It needs to be enhanced. I find myself disbelieving things that are said when I’m at church or college group. I know in my heart it’s true, but I’m becoming so harsh to everything.
I’ve become overly critical with people and myself. I’m rude when I shouldn’t be, disgruntled when I really don’t care about what’s going on, and just in a bad mood.
In conclusion, I’m tired of where I’m headed. I need to change my mindset and what I’ve been thinking about lately. I’m being thrown some crazy life tests over here, and so far I’m failing at them. Time to get back into what matters.
Untitled.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Locked inside Springs endless time,
and summer's gleaming blaze.
Find the time to remove the moments,
Drifted deep between the grass,
And river's seam.
There's a boat;
It bobs through the water's
Calming motion.
Moving down,
To the river bed.
Slowly.
Slowly.
Effortless,
Perfect rhythm.
The wind moves with it.
Still.
Sail catches gust,
It moves along;
Back to deeper waters.
It treads along,
Without a captian.
No man, on board is he.
and summer's gleaming blaze.
Find the time to remove the moments,
Drifted deep between the grass,
And river's seam.
There's a boat;
It bobs through the water's
Calming motion.
Moving down,
To the river bed.
Slowly.
Slowly.
Effortless,
Perfect rhythm.
The wind moves with it.
Still.
Sail catches gust,
It moves along;
Back to deeper waters.
It treads along,
Without a captian.
No man, on board is he.
With Opened Eyes
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Well, I'm not sure if it's just been the day, or if it's my eyes that have been opened up. One thing that's sure, is the apparentness of God's work in my life and the lives around me.
This week has been an interesting one, and one that's had blessings just rain down.
To fill ya in, here's what my week has looked like.
It started off with hearing word from a job opportunity and the expected starting date of that opportunity. This in itself is a major blessing, and you can read previous blogs to get the jest of it.
The next amazingly fantastic thing that took place, was wonderful news about one of my friends that's been having some trouble with her sight. In all the months that she's been told about everything that was wrong with her vision, and the predictions of what would be to come, the news just seemed like it was undeserving. I didn't understand why a God would let that happen to someone like her. To me it just didn't make sense. I don't wanna say that I became angry with God, but I would say that I was confused with Him and what His will might include.
Throughout it all I was witness to some amazing faith that was showed to my by not only her, but several other people as well. Their faith awed me, in a way that I didn't really understand at first. I mean, I don't put limits on the power that God has and what He is capable of, but for someone to just have blind faith was different to me.
Somehow, despite my usual skepticism something told me that she was taken cared of, that God would protect her and comfort her throughout what ever He had planned. This past week she was given some exceedingly hopeful news. Prayers answered.
Another blessing that was shown to me, was that I actually got to make my last payment for school. Throughout all the stress that I've gone through in finding a way to receive enough money for that check, God provided yet again. The relief that has been given to me, feels amazing. I can finally breath again without that heavy burden sitting on my chest.
Lastly, today was my first day at work. That in itself brings me peace. I'm finally relieved of finding a job, and all the job hunting, awkward interviews, and frustration is over with. I can't explain how good this feels to finally have a job again. To finally have a way of making an income, and a purpose.
Thank you sweet Lord for constantly providing everything I need. You never fail me, and continue to be there for me even when I don't deserve it. You truly are an awesome God, and my eyes are opened to that statement each day.
Latest News
Monday, March 14, 2011
Well, fortunately, I have recently been blessed with a job opportunity. I'm currently waiting on my drug test and background check to process (fingers crossed, fingers crossed) Ha, Totally kidding, I know they'll come out good.
Anyways, I'm grateful for finally getting to this point, and everything seems rather optimistic right now. Job hunt has gone on for over a year, and I can finally say I'm no longer unemployed.
Now's the chance to save up to pay for my classes, passport, and China. :)
Anyways, I'm grateful for finally getting to this point, and everything seems rather optimistic right now. Job hunt has gone on for over a year, and I can finally say I'm no longer unemployed.
Now's the chance to save up to pay for my classes, passport, and China. :)
Life of the Unemployed
Friday, March 4, 2011
Another day of not knowing whether or not I'm going to get a job offer. It seems like everytime I really think this or that job is going to pull through for me, it doesn't happen. It's like I'm being scolded for being too sure of something so it's taken away.
Maybe I'm suppose to just assume that I'm never going to get a job. Maybe then I'll have one fall in my lap. Or not. I don't know, but this job thing is frustrating.
I don't know what to do about the situation anymore. I feel so guilty for not having a job. I mean, yeah I'm going to school, but I feel like I should be working and earing something. Everytime I'm just sitting at home, I feel worthless and like I shouldn't be just relaxing or bumming it. I just want a job. I feel like everything would be so much better if I just had one.
I wouldn't feel so reliant on my parents all the time. I hate not being able to buy myself the things I need, given I'm not a crazy shopper and I never intend on it, but I would like to be able to purchase my own school supplies, and shampoo and stuff. I want to be able to save up money. You never know when you're going to need it.
Until I get a job, I'll be stuck here. Not "here" as in this town, state, or home, but "here" as in this sense of being, of living. This life style.
Another day, another prayer.
Maybe I'm suppose to just assume that I'm never going to get a job. Maybe then I'll have one fall in my lap. Or not. I don't know, but this job thing is frustrating.
I don't know what to do about the situation anymore. I feel so guilty for not having a job. I mean, yeah I'm going to school, but I feel like I should be working and earing something. Everytime I'm just sitting at home, I feel worthless and like I shouldn't be just relaxing or bumming it. I just want a job. I feel like everything would be so much better if I just had one.
I wouldn't feel so reliant on my parents all the time. I hate not being able to buy myself the things I need, given I'm not a crazy shopper and I never intend on it, but I would like to be able to purchase my own school supplies, and shampoo and stuff. I want to be able to save up money. You never know when you're going to need it.
Until I get a job, I'll be stuck here. Not "here" as in this town, state, or home, but "here" as in this sense of being, of living. This life style.
Another day, another prayer.
Morning Benders, and confusion.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
So, I have no idea what this song means, but it's Excuses by the Morning Benders.
I'm in love with the musical part. The words confuse me. :P But that usually is the recipe for a fan-crapin-tastic song.
Look em up!
You tried to taste me,
And I taped my tongue to the southern tip of your body.
Our bones are too heavy to come up,
Squished into a single cell of wood.
I made an excuse.
You found another way to tell the truth.
I put no one else above us.
We'll still be best friends when all turns to dust.
We are so smooth now.
Our edges are beaten, drift wood whittled down.
Old bodies slip when they make love.
We'll mine our sparks to shoot us above!
I'm in love with the musical part. The words confuse me. :P But that usually is the recipe for a fan-crapin-tastic song.
Look em up!
You tried to taste me,
And I taped my tongue to the southern tip of your body.
Our bones are too heavy to come up,
Squished into a single cell of wood.
I made an excuse.
You found another way to tell the truth.
I put no one else above us.
We'll still be best friends when all turns to dust.
We are so smooth now.
Our edges are beaten, drift wood whittled down.
Old bodies slip when they make love.
We'll mine our sparks to shoot us above!
You've made your bed...
Call me bipolar,
Call me unstable,
Call me indecisive,
hypocritical,
two sided.
My mind races fast,
Ten thoughts a second.
Skips the logic,
Past the sanity.
It stumbles,
Unbalanced,
On equals swift edge.
Hovers,
Suspended,
Frozen in time.
Impulse takes over,
Demeaning stabilities choices.
Flight straight past,
Wise decisions,
And well temperament.
Count to ten,
Breath a little.
Realization of actions,
Words, and implements.
Take it back?
Impossible,
Too late.
This bed is vast.
Call me unstable,
Call me indecisive,
hypocritical,
two sided.
My mind races fast,
Ten thoughts a second.
Skips the logic,
Past the sanity.
It stumbles,
Unbalanced,
On equals swift edge.
Hovers,
Suspended,
Frozen in time.
Impulse takes over,
Demeaning stabilities choices.
Flight straight past,
Wise decisions,
And well temperament.
Count to ten,
Breath a little.
Realization of actions,
Words, and implements.
Take it back?
Impossible,
Too late.
This bed is vast.
Job?
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
So, It's kinda strange how things workout. Since I teach middle school bible study, I realize that the lessons I choose at random, aren't actually random. The past few weeks, I've taught on Integrity, Endurance, and Courage. All of which, apply dramatically in my life. I'm starting to question whether these lessons are meant for me, or for the students.
Lately I've been finding it extremely difficult to find a job. I've applied to so many already and never seem to catch a break with any of them. It's so frustrating to watch the payment day come closer and closer when I still don't even have a job. I don't believe it's due to lack of prayer, because the Lord can vouch for me that I log into that prayer request several times a day. I trust in Him that I will get a job, and that things will work out, but at the same time, I know that it's not going to go away.
Even after this payment, I still need to save up money for several other things that the deadlines are rushing towards. I don't know if it's in God's will at this time for me to get a job, but I sure hope it is. I'm running out of time, and options.
In the lessons I've taught throughout my great worry for getting a job, I've learned that I need to place all my trust and faith in Him for receiving this, and that I will be taken cared of as long as I keep Him in the center of it all. I believe in this, that He is the center of me getting a job. I mean, I need funds to do His work, don't I?
So then why is it such a chore to find one?
Is this not what I need?
Is there more to the lesson that I'm just not getting? Lord, please teach me this lesson before it's too late.
I place it in Your hands Lord. Thank you for providing me with what I already have.
Lately I've been finding it extremely difficult to find a job. I've applied to so many already and never seem to catch a break with any of them. It's so frustrating to watch the payment day come closer and closer when I still don't even have a job. I don't believe it's due to lack of prayer, because the Lord can vouch for me that I log into that prayer request several times a day. I trust in Him that I will get a job, and that things will work out, but at the same time, I know that it's not going to go away.
Even after this payment, I still need to save up money for several other things that the deadlines are rushing towards. I don't know if it's in God's will at this time for me to get a job, but I sure hope it is. I'm running out of time, and options.
In the lessons I've taught throughout my great worry for getting a job, I've learned that I need to place all my trust and faith in Him for receiving this, and that I will be taken cared of as long as I keep Him in the center of it all. I believe in this, that He is the center of me getting a job. I mean, I need funds to do His work, don't I?
So then why is it such a chore to find one?
Is this not what I need?
Is there more to the lesson that I'm just not getting? Lord, please teach me this lesson before it's too late.
I place it in Your hands Lord. Thank you for providing me with what I already have.
Insomnia
Monday, February 14, 2011
I sit in my room,
Look at the time.
1:25 it reads,
The minutes tic by.
Melancholy thoughts,
Whistle through my head.
No notion finished,
Or put to rest.
The mind is a maze,
In it’s endless wonders.
Thoughts change,
As time turns,
Then comes to a halt,
Dead end stop.
What’s my thought?
For I forgot,
About an hour ago.
2:29 it reads,
The minutes tic by.
Melancholy thoughts,
Whistle through my head.
No notion finished,
Or put to rest.
Look at the time.
1:25 it reads,
The minutes tic by.
Melancholy thoughts,
Whistle through my head.
No notion finished,
Or put to rest.
The mind is a maze,
In it’s endless wonders.
Thoughts change,
As time turns,
Then comes to a halt,
Dead end stop.
What’s my thought?
For I forgot,
About an hour ago.
2:29 it reads,
The minutes tic by.
Melancholy thoughts,
Whistle through my head.
No notion finished,
Or put to rest.
Life's Perpetual O.C.D Comprehension
Friday, January 28, 2011
Life.
Continual.
Ritual.
Routine.
Cycle.
You wake up, go to the bathroom, get dressed, have a cup of coffee if you're lucky, maybe a bite to eat, and you leave the house. Same routine. Same motions. Every. Single. Day.
In my case, after doing all of that, I go to school, and stay there 'til late afternoon. At which point, I'm burned out and tired from all the boring lectures and am ready for a nap. Yes, a nap. A nap in which I partake on a daily basis. Sad, I know, it's one of life's simple pleasures. Children appreciate them, you should too.
When I'm not doing that, I'm trying to find a relatively routine job, that can fill in my melodramatic life, and offer up a minute amount of money to the spiraling college fund.
Fast forward button? Oh, how I wished you existed.
Continual.
Ritual.
Routine.
Cycle.
You wake up, go to the bathroom, get dressed, have a cup of coffee if you're lucky, maybe a bite to eat, and you leave the house. Same routine. Same motions. Every. Single. Day.
In my case, after doing all of that, I go to school, and stay there 'til late afternoon. At which point, I'm burned out and tired from all the boring lectures and am ready for a nap. Yes, a nap. A nap in which I partake on a daily basis. Sad, I know, it's one of life's simple pleasures. Children appreciate them, you should too.
When I'm not doing that, I'm trying to find a relatively routine job, that can fill in my melodramatic life, and offer up a minute amount of money to the spiraling college fund.
Fast forward button? Oh, how I wished you existed.
Update
Sunday, January 23, 2011
So, I kinda lost all inspiration to do anything with this for a while. I log on, but nothing seems important enough to talk about. Nor do I want to talk about anything lately. Not that life sucks right now or anything. I mean, it's average, and has been pretty good. I'm in the classes I wanted, I'm doing good so far. The only thing is that I'm still unemployed. Hopefully that changes quickly.
After my cousin's death, I just feel like anything posted on here is worthless. It doesn't matter what I think, or what I put on here, when bigger things happen. Today's Sunday, so I went to church. Every time I enter the church lately all I think about is him, and his family, and how I hope and pray that they remain alright. I know God has plans for them, and I know in Him they'll be okay, but I can't help but worry about what will happen to them. What will happen to the son, and how the wife will manage him.
From what I remember of Tom, he was a great and Godly man. I would have learned a lot from him and his opinions of things. His funeral service was beautiful, and was a great reflection of him and what he stood for. It's crazy how his life can be summed up simply by "he was a Godly man". I'm pretty sure everyone who knew him would come to an agreement on that. Which makes me think of how awesome that is.
There's been many deaths in my family, and Tom is only one of two people in all of that, that have such an image to leave behind. I know if anything was to happen to me tomorrow, I would not have such an image. My image would be tainted and corrupted by the life I lead. Then the inevitable therapist question of "and how could you change that?" comes to mind.
How does one change that? Change their life? I mean, it's an entire life, not just something simple or irrelevant. At the same time, the typical answer is simple right? Change a life, by living for something greater than yourself. That it's all apart of perception, and how you view the world and the people in it. Your priorities in life and how you place them. The actions you take and how you make them count. What you allow to into your brain's processing field and what you filter out.
The lists go on and on, and give off the impression of simplicity, but we all know at the end of the day, it's only possible by the amount of effort you put into it. How much you're willing to sacrifice from your sinful life, and how much you stubbornly hold on to.
Decisions, decisions.
Do we have any? Or have they already been chosen before us?
After my cousin's death, I just feel like anything posted on here is worthless. It doesn't matter what I think, or what I put on here, when bigger things happen. Today's Sunday, so I went to church. Every time I enter the church lately all I think about is him, and his family, and how I hope and pray that they remain alright. I know God has plans for them, and I know in Him they'll be okay, but I can't help but worry about what will happen to them. What will happen to the son, and how the wife will manage him.
From what I remember of Tom, he was a great and Godly man. I would have learned a lot from him and his opinions of things. His funeral service was beautiful, and was a great reflection of him and what he stood for. It's crazy how his life can be summed up simply by "he was a Godly man". I'm pretty sure everyone who knew him would come to an agreement on that. Which makes me think of how awesome that is.
There's been many deaths in my family, and Tom is only one of two people in all of that, that have such an image to leave behind. I know if anything was to happen to me tomorrow, I would not have such an image. My image would be tainted and corrupted by the life I lead. Then the inevitable therapist question of "and how could you change that?" comes to mind.
How does one change that? Change their life? I mean, it's an entire life, not just something simple or irrelevant. At the same time, the typical answer is simple right? Change a life, by living for something greater than yourself. That it's all apart of perception, and how you view the world and the people in it. Your priorities in life and how you place them. The actions you take and how you make them count. What you allow to into your brain's processing field and what you filter out.
The lists go on and on, and give off the impression of simplicity, but we all know at the end of the day, it's only possible by the amount of effort you put into it. How much you're willing to sacrifice from your sinful life, and how much you stubbornly hold on to.
Decisions, decisions.
Do we have any? Or have they already been chosen before us?
Passing Realms
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Funeral.
“A ceremony at which a dead person is buried or cremated”
Simple definition, correct? Through the many theories as to what we, as people, are suppose to do after a loved one dies, I’m still at a loss to the emotional sense that comes with it.
We’re expected to go through a mourning period, but yet are told to celebrate the passing of one person’s life into the next world. Some confusion is left in the mist of these tellings due to their conflicting directions.
If the passing person died unexpectedly in a freak accident, there is an increased amount of mourning involved, but if the person had been expecting their death due to illness, does this mean that the amount of mourning decreases?
For some reason unknown to me, I find that society is less empathetic when a person had been expecting their passing. In this I don’t fully understand. Can loved ones to this person be expected to brace themselves for a death?
How can it be expected for the family/friends to “brace” themselves for anything of the sort? This seems like a rather inconsiderate expectation to hold when you’ve lived the majority of your life with someone to wake up the next day to the realization that they are no longer here.
Losing a loved one is the same in any shape or form. There is grieving, mourning, and healing that all need to take place no matter the circumstance.
Be more understanding, considerate, and empathetic, the next time someone you know is hurting for the passing of a loved one.
It’ll do the world some good.
“A ceremony at which a dead person is buried or cremated”
Simple definition, correct? Through the many theories as to what we, as people, are suppose to do after a loved one dies, I’m still at a loss to the emotional sense that comes with it.
We’re expected to go through a mourning period, but yet are told to celebrate the passing of one person’s life into the next world. Some confusion is left in the mist of these tellings due to their conflicting directions.
If the passing person died unexpectedly in a freak accident, there is an increased amount of mourning involved, but if the person had been expecting their death due to illness, does this mean that the amount of mourning decreases?
For some reason unknown to me, I find that society is less empathetic when a person had been expecting their passing. In this I don’t fully understand. Can loved ones to this person be expected to brace themselves for a death?
How can it be expected for the family/friends to “brace” themselves for anything of the sort? This seems like a rather inconsiderate expectation to hold when you’ve lived the majority of your life with someone to wake up the next day to the realization that they are no longer here.
Losing a loved one is the same in any shape or form. There is grieving, mourning, and healing that all need to take place no matter the circumstance.
Be more understanding, considerate, and empathetic, the next time someone you know is hurting for the passing of a loved one.
It’ll do the world some good.
Farewell Dear Cousin
Friday, January 7, 2011
Daylight closes in,
On darkness ending rule.
Gleaming through,
Curtains’ veil,
On pure winter’s view.
The light is warm,
Caresses so dearly.
Embraces you,
With it’s sweet heat.
Birth of,
This day so young.
So fresh and new,
Like baby’s breath,
Dreams.
Ever so pleasant,
These harmonious moments.
The post script ending,
To life’s downfalls.
Peace,
And serenity,
To calm the gale.
You are forever in my heart. May God cherish you, always.
On darkness ending rule.
Gleaming through,
Curtains’ veil,
On pure winter’s view.
The light is warm,
Caresses so dearly.
Embraces you,
With it’s sweet heat.
Birth of,
This day so young.
So fresh and new,
Like baby’s breath,
Dreams.
Ever so pleasant,
These harmonious moments.
The post script ending,
To life’s downfalls.
Peace,
And serenity,
To calm the gale.
You are forever in my heart. May God cherish you, always.
The Dreamer In Me
Saturday, January 1, 2011
The dreamer in me,
has goals of wonderment,
and admiration.
has confidence,
and pride.
leads others to wisdom,
and knowledge.
has goals of wonderment,
and admiration.
Hidden behind life's,
cold truth.
The dreamer in me,has confidence,
and pride.
Hidden under hopeless
lies.
The dreamer in me,leads others to wisdom,
and knowledge.
Hidden by fear,
of the lack of intelligence.
Will the dreamer in me
Come alive?
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