Late Night Memories

          It's pretty late, and I can't sleep. Yet again. Too many thoughts. Yet again. I'm not really sure why I'm so bothered about the things that I can't change in life. I can't change my family and the contents of it. I can't change the fact that Tristin has other siblings besides the two he grew up with. I should be happy for him. I should want him to know his other half siblings, but instead, I'm selfish and I want to be his only sister. Growing up, it was me. I was the one he protected and cared for. Not them.
          I've lost contact with him. I haven't talked or seen him in seven years. Things are different. People change, and people move on. I'm not the little girl he knew and he's not the brother I idolized. And yet, I'm still stuck in this same spot of selfish thinking, and living in the past.
          I feel like there's just so so much stuff that we've missed in each other's lives. Seven years is a long time. That's seven years of living, seven years of growing up, and seven years of countless memories. I can't imagine ever being able to tell him every single story of my life that's he's missed. Nor the same with him to me. We'll never be able to be on that same level. It's impossible to gain those years back. He didn't see me graduate, he didn't see me when I left to Tyler, he wasn't there to help me pick up the pieces from when I came back from Tyler. He wasn't there for me when my heart was broken by some jerk.
         And the worst thing left in all of this is the fact that seven years takes a toll on a memory. I'm so scared of forgetting him. I'm afraid I won't remember the person he was, and how much happened when we were growing up. Considering the fact that we don't talk anymore, it's so easy to just think that Thomas is my only brother. It's so easy to just let my friends believe that there's only four of us in this family. I can't remember alot of memories with him. I don't know whether it's my mind playing tricks on me, or if there just aren't that many with him in it. I have no problem remembering Thomas and what he said or the instances of my stupidity with him.
          I'm an aunt, I have two nieces, and yet, I don't feel like one. As horrible as that is to say, I don't feel like I'm anything to those two kids. I love them, I do, but I can't honestly feel anything for them other than the fact that I'm suppose to because their Tristin's daughters. I've never met them, and I feel terrible about that. On  the other hand, I feel like my presence in all of this doesn't matter. They have two other aunts from Tristin. Why would they need one more? One who looks nothing like any of them. I don't fit in with that, with them.
          I feel like it doesn't matter to them. I've been replaced by two other women who fit in with them perfectly. They'll never know me, they'll never know the little girl who was so incredibly proud to be his little sister.
          I love you Tristin. (Please don't forget me)