The What If's

    Today, where to begin? It started out okay and everything I mean nothing fantastic but nothing horrible either. I dreaded going to class and school and all that jazz. Another day of anxiety attacks and awkward conversations. Another day ending in regret and wishing everything was so different. I cannot describe the amount of frustration I get from the fact that I get anxiety over the dumbest stuff. Seriously, how ridiculous is it to ask for a day of going to a church event and not receiving an enormous amount of anxiety for it.
    I regret ever starting anything with him. I wish nothing ever happened. I don't regret meeting him, but I do regret sharing feelings for each other. I wish things were so different. I wish I could go back and change so much. I can't describe the amount of feelings that I have for him. I can't describe how much pain I feel on a daily basis and how I try to pretend I'm not effected when every unanswered text or message kills me that much more inside. When I see his face I die a little more, and I want for it all to go away. I hate crying over him. I hate thinking that I feel like he was the only guy for me. I want him to be happy. I wish I could make his life easier, even though I know I can't and that we're not meant for each other. I pray that he finds happiness one day. True happiness and not just the act of putting on a show. I want him to love himself and know that he's worth as much as I think he is.
    Let tomorrow be a new day.