First entry. Here it goes?

        So I know this is all confusing if I say that this entry is actually my first, but this is where it begins. I created this account today and entered in the other entries so I'd have somewhere to begin from my previous journal.

Anyways, today was a meh kind of day. All in all, no complaints. Sometimes I wish things were so different than how they turned out. I look back on alot and I see where I faulted and I wonder why I did the things I did or said the things I said. I wonder what the purpose was in alot of it, and I wonder if today's sermon is true. I mean, I totally want to believe that God puts us in these situations to build our character, but sometimes I wonder if the second statement of "He will never give us anything we cannot handle" is true. I guess so far that statement stands to be true, because of course if I am alive and typing this God obviously has not given me anything I cannot handle. The pastor went over how faith is more than just knowing that if you pray for something that God will make sure that that happens. I mean how selfish of us as people, are we to believe that. That's like seeing the kid in the candy store who asks their momma for something and thinking that she'll automatically give it to them. Spoiled huh? Well no, faith is not that, faith is knowing that God will always be there for us. Well, that's what I learned today. I find that pretty interesting in that sometimes, it doesn't mean that in knowing that you have faith you believe the situation will be perfect in the end, it means that God will always be there for you, your ups and downs.

Sometimes, I feel like even though I receive the message and I get it, I wonder what good it does. I mean, who is this helping by teaching me? People are still in pain everyday. There are still people who are not being reached by the church and in particular people that I can't reach. When I go to church and I volunteer, who is that helping? I see the people who fall through the cracks in this system. I want them to be reached and sometimes I feel like my presence should be sacrificed in order to bring them into the church and for the leaders of the church to put their effort into them verses me. I have nothing to offer when I see so, so, so much potential in them. I know they will make a change.